When all else fails….. (tidying up, going for a walk and cup of tea)

This week was not what I intended. Stuff happens and things we planned just have to be put aside.

And it’s no good blaming everything and everyone! I am totally responsible for how I react and behave to the circumstances around me. And so are you.

Making excuses for why we are always late, or why we couldn’t do this or that, gives us wriggle room for creating a whole narrative around how everything is out to get us, when what we really need to do, is to accept the situation (we don’t have to like it), and then carry on.

Simple but not easy.

I’m working with a young man who has been through hell. His life was turned upside-down. He felt he had lost everything. Over the last few years, he has build his life back up. He’s shown incredible strength and resilience, but last week he had a set back. All the past thoughts and feelings returned in one BIG wave, and wow… his mental health plummeted.

We talked through the circumstances, and it was fascinating to listen to the language he used to describe himself at this time. All very negative, harsh and angry.

“I should know this by now. I’m so stupid. I should be fine with this. I need to get grip on myself. I’m pathetic….”

Whoaaaaaa! Now stop right there!

I have a very gentle approach with my clients, but I’m not fluffy, and often I can be very straightforward.

“Ok”, I said, “Let’s stop that talk right now. Let’s rewind that speech and start again.”

This young man is bright, funny and witty. He has a great sense of humour, and we have used this in therapy to great advantage.

“Who is this voice talking to you like that?”

"He stopped and grinned… “It’s old protective Bod again, isn’t it?” (Bod is the character he named for his reptilian brain, the one that responds to any sign of danger, real or not).

“It’s time we had a word with Bod, don’t you think?”.

But it’s hard. to be rational when we are scared and fearful, and this is where doing something physical and a bit mindless can be really helpful. There are many things that fit the bill, but one of the things I have found helpful is having a sort out of stuff. This can be clearing out a drawer, or a cupboard, or it could be doing the ironing, or dusting.. for my client, he decided that he’d sort through the files on his computer. They were in a bit of a mess, and needed organising. We made a plan. He was to organise a few files and folders for half an hour, then stop. He’d then go for a walk around the block and have cup of tea.

Simple steps. Positive, uncomplicated and specific.

Files tidied, a lovely walk in the fresh air and a cup of tea.

Action.

He messaged me whilst drinking his tea. “I had a word with Bod”, he said. “I said thank you for protecting me, and then let him go, I know he’ll be back, and that’s ok. He’s my guardian, that’s his job.”