Why do so many people give up on their dreams and ambitions? And what you can do about it.
Introduction
We've all heard the phrase "don't give up on your dreams." And while it's a well-intentioned piece of advice, it's also really annoying.
Why do we have to keep hearing it? It's not like we don't know that we should stick with our ambitions—it's just that sometimes we don't seem to have the motivation to follow through.
I've been exploring some of the reasons why so many people give up on their dreams.
First of the let's look at FEAR:
Fear plays a big role in why people give up. Fears are rooted in past experiences where failure was experienced as painful or harmful in some way; loss, humiliation, ridicule for example are negative emotions that can put up the barriers for taking a step towards dreams.
The three main fears are:
Fear of failure
Fear of failure is a natural reaction to the unknown. It's normal to feel afraid when you are facing something new, especially if it involves risk. But there are many ways to overcome this fear, and you can't let your fears stop you from achieving your goals!
My client Sue was terrified of letting go of her stable, well-paid job. As a teacher, she was respected, and she'd put in many years training to get to head of department. But she was ready for something new. She knew she needed to get out and to follow another dream of starting her own business as a freelance graphic designer.
We worked on developing her confidence, and put together a clear, strategic plan. By taking tiny steps, Sue was able to overcome some of her fears and she made a plan to hand in her notice at school by the end of the year.
Fear of success
Fear of success is a real thing.
Fear of success can take many forms: fear of being seen as different, fear of losing your friends or family, fear that you won't be able to handle the responsibility that comes with success.
In some cases, people feel like they don't deserve to be successful because they haven't worked hard enough or been good enough at what they do yet. They may also worry about becoming the centre of attention when others are used to seeing them as "just another person." Imposter syndrome looms!
Success means different things to different people of course. I encourage my clients to really explore what success looks like for them, and by being clear about this, we can often overcome some of these fears.
Fear of the unknown
The unknown is scary.
It's a fact of life, and it's something we all have to deal with in one way or another. But it doesn't have to be negative! The unknown can be a source of great joy and excitement if you let it be, it's what makes life interesting, after all.
I encourage my clients to write down words and phrases that express the emotions connected with starting something new. Writing words down can help us to explore how we feel about them, and then to change the narrative!
Negative words and phrases that come up frequently when I do this exercise are:
What if I lose all my money?
What if everything fails?
What if no-one wants what I'm offering?
I couldn't face the humiliation
I'm probably too old now
I don't really know enough
Everyone else is much better than me
Why would anyone listen to me?
By exploring these emotions, we can see what is actually true!
Lack of self-confidence
It's important to know that self-confidence is a skill that can be learned. If you have low self-confidence, it doesn't mean you're doomed forever. In fact, there are many ways in which people can build their confidence and achieve their goals. I love helping people raise their self-confidence!
Clare came to me to help with building her confidence to apply for job she'd seen advertised. She knew that she met most of the criteria and that it would something she'd love to do. With effort and determination she was able to absolutely smash the interview and was offered the job on the spot!
The first step is simply recognising that your feelings of doubt and uncertainty are not your fault; they're just part of being human! Once you've accepted this fact and forgiven yourself for having these feelings in the first place, then it becomes easier to move forward with building up your self-esteem so that those doubts don't hold back your dreams anymore.
Too many options
The more options you have, the harder it is to make a decision.
In his book The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, psychologist Barry Schwartz explains that when there are too many choices available, people become paralysed by indecision and end up doing nothing at all. It's not just that having too many options makes us less likely to choose one, it also makes us feel dissatisfied with whatever choice we make!
So how do we avoid this trap? One way is by focusing on what matters most: our values and goals in life (and not just what feels good right now). When you know where you want to go with your life, or even just something as simple as buying an outfit or going out for dinner tonight, you'll be able to cut through all the noise of other options and focus on making progress toward those goals instead of getting stuck in analysis paralysis mode!
I've been working with a couple of super creative clients over the last few weeks, and both have experienced this... they are interested in so many things, that they end up doing nothing. (If you recognise yourself in this, then I can definitely help :))
Comparing Ourselves with Others
One of the biggest reasons people give up on their goals is because they're comparing themselves to others. You see someone else doing what you want to do, and it makes you feel like your own ambitions are silly or unimportant. But that's not true at all!
You can't control other people's choices, so don't let them affect yours. Focus on your own goals and don't worry about what other people are doing, you'll have time enough for that later! If someone else makes a mistake in their pursuit of something great, learn from them but don't make those same mistakes yourself.
I could actually write a book about this!!
I'll definitely write another blog about it.
It's possible to overcome your fears and become the person you want to be.
You can overcome your fears and become the person you want to be. There is no magic pill or secret formula, but there are some things that will help:
Self-confidence is crucial. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will either. So start working on it! Build up your self-esteem by setting goals for yourself and working towards them. Find ways to motivate yourself when times get tough--maybe listen to an inspiring song or watch a movie with an empowering message. Hypnotherapy, life coaching and mentoring can help you to get where you want to be.
Take action! Don't let fear stop you from taking steps towards achieving your dreams; instead, use it as motivation not only for pushing forward but also learning from mistakes along the way.
Conclusion
It's not an easy journey, but one that requires resilience and determination.
I believe that when we are serious about coming out of our comfort zones and on that road less travelled, we start to really live.
